{"id":15077,"date":"2026-04-10T21:17:47","date_gmt":"2026-04-10T21:17:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tltp.ee\/?p=15077"},"modified":"2026-04-11T01:07:23","modified_gmt":"2026-04-11T01:07:23","slug":"keha-sosistab-enne-karjumist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tltp.ee\/en\/keha-sosistab-enne-karjumist\/","title":{"rendered":"When the body begins to whisper, before it learns to scream"},"content":{"rendered":"
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When the body begins to whisper, before it learns to scream<\/h1>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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December 27, 2024.\nI write in my journal:<\/p>


<\/p>\n

\u201cI woke up late because I couldn\u2019t sleep\u2026\nI didn\u2019t do my supportive practices either\u2026\nAnd yet, I\u2019m not critical of myself.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/em><\/p>\n

At that moment, I didn\u2019t yet know\nthat this was not just another morning.<\/p>


<\/p>\n

This was the beginning.<\/p>\n

Quiet.
Almost unnoticeable.<\/p>


<\/p>\n

A beginning that has its own rhythm \u2014
and no urgency.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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When what used to work no longer supports<\/strong><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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At first, it was easy to explain.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

The northern winter.
Fatigue.
A deep training that \u201crequires recovery.\u201d<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

All of these stories were believable.
Logical enough not to look deeper.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

And yet, there was one truth\nI couldn\u2019t even think of:<\/p>

my body was changing.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Not symbolically.
Not emotionally.<\/p>

But physiologically.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Perimenopause.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

A word that was not a lived experience for me.
A word that had no meaning in my body \u2014 yet.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

And still\u2026\nmy body was already living it.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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When awareness doesn\u2019t reach the body<\/strong><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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This is where I got stuck.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

The awareness is there.
The knowledge is there.
The practices are there.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

But the body\u2026 doesn\u2019t follow.<\/p>

And when the body doesn\u2019t follow,\na gap begins to form.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

I felt that something was wrong.
But I didn\u2019t have a name for it.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

And when there is no name,
confusion appears.<\/p>

And next to confusion,\na critic often arrives.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Quiet at first.
Then louder.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cBut you know\u2026\u201d<\/em>
\u201cWhy aren\u2019t you doing\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

And so a loop forms,\none that is hard to step out of.<\/p>

The body gets tired.
The mind pushes.
The inner tension grows.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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When responsibility slips away<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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At some point, I noticed something uncomfortable.<\/p>

How easy it is\nto place responsibility\u2026 somewhere else.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

The collective field.
Energetic shifts.
The \u201cwaves\u201d of life.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

All of this may be true.
But it can also be a way to disconnect.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

From the body.
From responsibility.<\/p>

From ourselves.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Because the body is not abstract.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

It doesn\u2019t live in a \u201ccollective field.\u201d<\/p>

It lives here.
Now.
In me.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

And it doesn\u2019t need explanations.
It needs to be listened to.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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When speed takes away the ability to feel<\/strong><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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I was used to moving fast.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Creating.
Holding.
Taking responsibility.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

It felt like a highway.<\/p>

And on a highway, there is no space to feel.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

The body becomes something that is dragged along.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

It is there.
But it is not with me.<\/p>

And at some point\u2026\nit simply can\u2019t keep up anymore.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Camino \u2014 the first shift<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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On the Camino, a clear realization came:<\/p>

I need to step away.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Not to escape.
But to step aside.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

From everything that had become \u201cdefault.\u201d<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Habits.
Rhythms.
Environment.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

And that\u2019s how Guatemala entered my life.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

A place completely unknown to me.<\/p>

A language I didn\u2019t understand.
A culture that didn\u2019t try to please me.
A rhythm that didn\u2019t rush.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

And precisely because of that\u2026
it stopped me.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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A meeting that cannot be rushed<\/strong><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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In Guatemala, something began to restore.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Not through effort.
But through allowing.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Sleep returned.
Clarity returned.
The body returned.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

And with that, something else came back \u2014\nsomething I hadn\u2019t felt for a long time:<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

inspiration.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Not as an idea.
But as a state.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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What grows slowly, stays<\/strong><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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February 7, 2025.\nI write in my journal:<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cMy retreats are based on \u2014 feeling of belonging \u2014 to be part of \u2014 vulnerability \u2014 sharings \u2014 presence \u2014 awareness.\u201d<\/em><\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

I didn\u2019t do anything with that sentence.<\/p>

It simply stayed there.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Like a seed placed into the soil\u2026
without expectation.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

And exactly a year later, in Guatemala,
a retreat began to emerge from me:<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cThe Alchemy of Intimacy \u2014 Where safe connection begins within.\u201d\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Not a single part of me remembered
that these words had already lived in me a year before.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Everything has its own rhythm<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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This has been one of my deepest learnings lately.<\/p>

Or perhaps a better word is: embodiment.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Not to rush.
Not to push.
Not to demand.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

But to notice.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

That every process has its own timing.
Every realization its own maturity.
Every creation its own rhythm.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

And when I try to control that rhythm\u2026
I lose connection.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

But when I allow\u2026<\/p>

things begin to emerge.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Creation does not come from outside<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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In February 2025, in Bali, I write:<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

\u201cIn order for us as humans to experience something new, we must create it ourselves.\u201d<\/em><\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

It was a very clear realization.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Waiting for life or \u201cenergies\u201d to create something\u2026<\/p>

is often just a way to avoid responsibility.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

To not take a step.
To not choose.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

But creation\u2026
is always an invitation.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

And that invitation is not meant for someone else.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Maybe this speaks to you too<\/strong><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Maybe you are in a place\nwhere something no longer works.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Not completely.
But enough to create restlessness.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Maybe you feel that you know\u2026
but cannot apply it.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Maybe your body has already begun to whisper.<\/p>

Before it learns to scream.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

And maybe the question is not
what more you need to add.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

But\u2026<\/p>

are you willing to slow down enough
to hear\u2026<\/p>

what is already asking to change within you.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Kui keha hakkab sosistama, enne kui ta karjuma \u00f5pib 27.detsember 2024. kirjutan oma p\u00e4evikusse: \u201c\u00c4rkasin hilja, sest und ei tulnud\u2026 Ka toetavad praktikad j\u00e4id tegemata\u2026 Ent ma ei ole enda suhtes kriitiline.\u201d   Sel hetkel ma veel ei teadnud, et see ei ole lihtsalt \u00fcks hommik. See on algus. Vaikne.Peaaegu m\u00e4rkamatu. Algus millel on oma […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15080,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"disabled","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15077","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-teekond"],"yoast_head":"\nKeha sosistab enne kui ta \u00f5pib karjuma<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"M\u00f5nikord annab keha m\u00e4rku vaikselt. 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